How often do we find ourselves in a situation where we are urged simply to ‘accept’ it? It could be that we are told to ‘accept’ the outcome of an interview or exam, or ‘accept’ the diagnosis we have been dealt, physical or mental. It could be accepting the loss of someone or the end…

I experienced some pain in my left hand yesterday after working on some cello exercises and studies. It wasn’t particularly severe, but I decided to stop playing and have the day off today. Although logical to some, this conscious decision to take a break is a relatively new concept for me and it is still…

I have been through many periods of intense performance anxiety, and also periods when it hasn’t been so intrusive. Similarly, episodes of disordered anxiety symptoms are common for me, as they are for a good many people- especially at present. As we move towards a space in which live performance is more likely, I have…

It can be difficult to look back at the time I laid the foundations of the musician I am today. In high school, cello was an escape from the monotony of every day. It gave me a place to be during lunchtime and it felt like a relief to have an object attached to my…

Colour has got me. I no longer need to chase after it. It has got me for ever. I know it. That is the meaning of this happy hour. Paul Klee Striving for beautiful sounds and colours overwhelms me as a musician. I always feel like I don’t quite know what I’m looking for or…

Someone asks me how I am and I’m brave enough to be honest with them. “I’m going through some anxiety stuff, like everyone”. ‘Like everyone’ is the phrase I use so that people know I’m not complaining- I’m constantly checking my privilege right now. It’s so strange to feel both lost and misplaced in a…

  The centre of a palm Unconfirmed speech delay Hearing not as I remember Not as I wish to forget That silent wake up Watching up a tree   Inwards the protesting eye Comfort in discomfort’s shadow Stones removed our turn To close one palm Opening the other like A star I remember   Look…

I’m starting writing this not entirely knowing where it will end. To say it has been or is being a bizarre and perplexing time is to assume some people aren’t aware or aren’t affected, which is simply not the case. It is this knowledge of our combined vulnerability that makes it hard to put myself…