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Fulfilled by the humble sock
Goodness I am on a roll with these blogs, I'm sorry!I wanted to write because today was a big day. I made my first ever sock. I will explain... said sock I have dreamt for about 10 years now to make socks. Every year it was in the back of my mind as something I'd …
Believing in goodness today
Talking about faith today has to begin with disclaimers. I don't want to convert anyone. I don't hate anyone. I believe that gay and trans people deserve equal rights within society and the opportunity to be accepted fully into (and married within) whatever church they wish to worship in. I believe women have the right …
I struggle with being a mediocre cellist in a world of prodigies
It's hard to explain the feelings of musical worthlessness I experience frequently. My family think I am being dramatic. They have seen the intensity of my musical education and what it meant for me to get to Chetham's School and the Royal College of Music. I practiced hours and hours every day for years with …
Continue reading I struggle with being a mediocre cellist in a world of prodigies
Music doesn’t have to be shared
I am viewing practice differently right now and who's surprised? My work and living situation is unrelated to the cello, I have nothing to 'prepare' for and don't often feel that in the mood. In fact, I spent over three months playing as little as once a week and was embarrassed to feel quite energised …
My happiest
Anxiety has trained me to hate the word 'happy'. I struggle to relate to the over simplistic and superfluous ways in which we are encouraged to find happiness. I didn't see happiness as a realistic goal for myself either. I preferred the words 'peace' and 'joy', and perhaps still do. But reflecting back on this …
On being unremarkable
I am learning so much about myself through anxiety recovery. At the moment, every day has its own struggles and darkness, as well as brighter and more ordinary moments. Many people will know what I mean when I say I missed the 'ordinary' in times of mental ill health. I missed the comfort of mundane …
Irrelevance and musicians- action vs contemplation?
We can't be satisfied fully as performers until we see and connect to our audiences again. This longing goes beyond the classical world, to the dancers, actors and popular artists all of whom can't see their beloved audiences to give to. Performing makes practice worthwhile. It gives meaning and motivation to the hours upon hours …
Continue reading Irrelevance and musicians- action vs contemplation?
Recovery is a privilege
In mid-July I was struggling a lot. When things are rough, I often take to the subtle art of self-reassurance, which I don’t begrudge myself for. I wrote a post on my Instagram about the 'forever' feelings that anxiety and depression, and the state of the world at the moment, create. This sense of endlessness …
Acceptance
How often do we find ourselves in a situation where we are urged simply to 'accept' it? It could be that we are told to 'accept' the outcome of an interview or exam, or 'accept' the diagnosis we have been dealt, physical or mental. It could be accepting the loss of someone or the end …
