I’ve spoken before about the paradox of smallness. How much we are encouraged to big ourselves up, promote ourselves and ‘put ourselves out there’, yet how the opposite side of retreat, trust and passivity can feel more life giving and in line with our core values at certain times in our life. The smallness I…

I remember a darker period of my life when I was suffering a musical injury in my left arm in the lower sixth at Chetham’s School of Music. I felt lost, I felt sad but I mostly felt that I needed something new to focus on to take away from the pain, both physical and…

Goodness I am on a roll with these blogs, I’m sorry!I wanted to write because today was a big day. I made my first ever sock. I will explain… I have dreamt for about 10 years now to make socks. Every year it was in the back of my mind as something I’d ‘love to…

Talking about faith today has to begin with disclaimers. I don’t want to convert anyone. I don’t hate anyone. I believe that gay and trans people deserve equal rights within society and the opportunity to be accepted fully into (and married within) whatever church they wish to worship in. I believe women have the right…

It’s hard to explain the feelings of musical worthlessness I experience frequently. My family think I am being dramatic. They have seen the intensity of my musical education and what it meant for me to get to Chetham’s School and the Royal College of Music. I practiced hours and hours every day for years with…

I am viewing practice differently right now and who’s surprised? My work and living situation is unrelated to the cello, I have nothing to ‘prepare’ for and don’t often feel that in the mood. In fact, I spent over three months playing as little as once a week and was embarrassed to feel quite energised…

Anxiety has trained me to hate the word ‘happy’. I struggle to relate to the over simplistic and superfluous ways in which we are encouraged to find happiness. I didn’t see happiness as a realistic goal for myself either. I preferred the words ‘peace’ and ‘joy’, and perhaps still do. But reflecting back on this…

I am learning so much about myself through anxiety recovery. At the moment, every day has its own struggles and darkness, as well as brighter and more ordinary moments. Many people will know what I mean when I say I missed the ‘ordinary’ in times of mental ill health. I missed the comfort of mundane…

We can’t be satisfied fully as performers until we see and connect to our audiences again. This longing goes beyond the classical world, to the dancers, actors and popular artists all of whom can’t see their beloved audiences to give to. Performing makes practice worthwhile. It gives meaning and motivation to the hours upon hours…

In mid-July I was struggling a lot. When things are rough, I often take to the subtle art of self-reassurance, which I don’t begrudge myself for. I wrote a post on my Instagram about the ‘forever’ feelings that anxiety and depression, and the state of the world at the moment, create. This sense of endlessness…