In mid-July I was struggling a lot. When things are rough, I often take to the subtle art of self-reassurance, which I don’t begrudge myself for. I wrote a post on my Instagram about the 'forever' feelings that anxiety and depression, and the state of the world at the moment, create. This sense of endlessness …
Acceptance
How often do we find ourselves in a situation where we are urged simply to 'accept' it? It could be that we are told to 'accept' the outcome of an interview or exam, or 'accept' the diagnosis we have been dealt, physical or mental. It could be accepting the loss of someone or the end …
Why do musicians find it unacceptable to take a break?
I experienced some pain in my left hand yesterday after working on some cello exercises and studies. It wasn't particularly severe, but I decided to stop playing and have the day off today. Although logical to some, this conscious decision to take a break is a relatively new concept for me and it is still …
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Dissociation- the scariest performance anxiety symptom?
My petrified 17 year-old self!! I have been through many periods of intense performance anxiety, and also periods when it hasn't been so intrusive. Similarly, episodes of disordered anxiety symptoms are common for me, as they are for a good many people- especially at present. As we move towards a space in which live performance …
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The reason I create
It can be difficult to look back at the time I laid the foundations of the musician I am today. In high school, cello was an escape from the monotony of every day. It gave me a place to be during lunchtime and it felt like a relief to have an object attached to my …
Right Where You Are
Colour has got me. I no longer need to chase after it. It has got me for ever. I know it. That is the meaning of this happy hour.Paul Klee Striving for beautiful sounds and colours overwhelms me as a musician. I always feel like I don't quite know what I'm looking for or how …
What I Miss The Most
An online concert is maybe similar to a fat free yoghurt. Whilst I don't mind fat free yoghurts, I'm sat in my rocking chair, glasses almost a prerequisite to my weathered face as I reflect. Remember those times when we actually saw each other and played together and stuff? That was some full fat, real …
Quarantine is a good time to rethink our obsession with hours of practice
I'm under time pressure in quarantine. I have to use this new found space to prove just how much music means to me and to see how quickly I can achieve God-tier work status. How effectively am I using my day to prove that I want to succeed? This pressure has reminded me of the …
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Good Friday
The centre of a palm Unconfirmed speech delay Hearing not as I remember Not as I wish to forget That silent wake up Watching up a tree Inwards the protesting eye Comfort in discomfort's shadow Stones removed our turn To close one palm Opening the other like A star I remember Look …
Nothing New Here
I'm starting writing this not entirely knowing where it will end. To say it has been or is being a bizarre and perplexing time is to assume some people aren't aware or aren't affected, which is simply not the case. It is this knowledge of our combined vulnerability that makes it hard to put myself …
