My Popper Challenge 2019/20- why it’s good that I failed 40 studies in 40 weeks

The first of January 2019 was a difficult day for me and I remember it well. I was feeling very mentally 'off' and confused about my life, relationships, self and abilities. It was one of those times where you look to any distraction, something to focus on to distract from the realities of the moment. …

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It’s not called ‘working’ a musical instrument

Fear of others' opinions tends to be the number one motivator towards me becoming a workaholic. I believe I have to live and breathe the music I am playing, the essay I am writing, the relationship I am forming in order for it to be worthwhile. I fear not only failure, but more sinister is …

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Practicing to improve vs practicing for ego

I had a few days last week of very intense practicing. I finally had some time dedicated solely to practice without the various justifyable distractions of travelling, rehearsing and decorating the Christmas tree. The time spent was often exciting and motivating, but it was interesting to notice the ways in which my ego still loves …

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Music is beautiful when you get out of the way and let it speak

Surrendering and accepting that I am more than a musician, more than an artist and more than any success or failure i might incur is a lifelong journey. I have spent so much of my life clinging onto this desire to prove how committed I am to others. I was almost ashamed of who I …

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Talking about failure, success, auditions, concerts, marks and everything that I wish didn’t define me

I don’t keep it much of a secret that I’ve suffered with performance anxiety for the whole of my life as a musician, just as most of us do. It comes in peaks and troughs as I feel my mind drifts between a space of acceptance and joy to a place of dread, judgment and …

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